


How Garrett Stole Christmas

by Ledaeus



Category: Thief (Video Game 2014), Thief (Video Games)
Genre: Christmas!, Feel-good, Friendship, Gen, Lighthearted, Poetry, bad language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-05 22:59:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16820170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ledaeus/pseuds/Ledaeus
Summary: All people in Auldale like Christmas a lot,But Garrett, who lives up the clocktower, does not.A short Grinch-inspired Christmas poem about Basso and Garrett.





	How Garrett Stole Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> I spent way too long wondering if it's too early to post this but fuck it. Also my first poem. We're getting all creative up in here.

All people in Auldale like Christmas a lot,  
But Garrett, who lives up the clocktower, does not.

Though he sleeps through the day and comes out at night  
That doesn’t protect him from warm candle-light,  
The songs and the smells, the sights and the sounds,  
Of grown-ass men singing to Christmas hand-bells,  
“Oh dear,” thinks Garrett, “This simply won’t do,  
“I _must_ get in on this Christmas shit too.”

He picks up his bow, his blackjack and leathers,  
He goes to the window, and up there he tethers  
himself to the sill, and down it he climbs,  
So he can commit an assortment of crimes.

Now he knows from his place in this life as a thief,  
That Auldale ain’t poor and its Watchmen aren’t meek,  
“I’d better be careful,” he thinks as he lands,  
“That I don’t fall into the General’s mean hands.”  
So he vaults and he runs, he climbs and he swoops,  
He makes sure he avoids all of the Watch troops.  
And once he’s crossed Auldale’s great bridge, there he stops,  
Admiring the houses and loot in the shops.

It crosses his mind, it will make people sad,  
To wake up on Christmas and find they’ve been had.  
That during the night they’ve been burgled and robbed,  
Of all their new stuff - and now they’ve got naught.  
But Garrett doesn’t care, don’t bother him a bit,  
So he chooses a house and then steals all its shit.

He finds a new house and his pouches are heaving,  
But “Fuck it,” thinks Garrett, “I love some good thieving"   
So up the house wall he struggles and climbs,  
And right at the top, there he finds a great find:  
A huge room containing a big, lavish tree,  
Bright lights and some candy, a gold pen or three.  
To him as a thief, well he’s hit the jackpot,  
He pulls out his tools and cracks open the lock.

He creeps here and there, his feet light on the floor,  
Steals goblets and baubles and tinsel and more,  
Takes turkey and trimmings and pudding and cake,  
A bottle of fine wine for his happiness’ sake.  
He finally finds a rare Montonessi,  
Whips out his old scalpel and peels it up gently.

He’s about to turn round and then make for the door,  
When something nails him to his place on the floor,  
Hears steps from outside - there’s loud feet, voices new,  
Barely gets out the way when the owner bursts through.

He leaps from the window, abseils right back down,  
Holds onto his loot, holds back a mad frown,  
He looks up, and giving the owner the finger,  
(While reeling back down, it’s best not to linger),  
Sees the Thief-Taker General, a bastard, a twit,  
A crook and a coward, a real piece of shit.

Garrett goes back home, running hell-for-leather,  
Bolts up his clocktower and finds a black feather,  
“Jenivere’s been here,” Garrett says to himself,  
Picking up the note as his clock strikes the twelf.  
“Garrett, old friend, you must come and see me,  
At the Burrick, we can have some nice Christmas tea.”

Garrett is pleased, feels wanted, feels loved,  
Packs up all his shit and puts back on his gloves,  
He climbs down the tower, and runs in high glee  
Across the tiles, looking like a Christmas tree.  
He’s covered in tinsel and food and bright decs,  
But he doesn’t know. He doesn’t even check.

He gets to Basso’s and creeps in through the door,  
Like he has done so many times there before,  
Basso turns round and he jumps at the sight,  
Of Garrett, dressed in fun rich Christmas tree lights.  
He makes a sarcastic short comment at which  
Basso responds, “You’re a weird little bitch.”

So Garrett and friend share the General’s best wine,  
Chatting and laughing, having a great time.  
Now Garrett likes Christmas, because every year  
He goes to Basso’s and they share festive cheer.

People in Auldale like Christmas, through and through,  
And Garrett, who lives up the clocktower, does too.


End file.
